bad decisions

I’m learning to hear God’s voice, learning to discern His desires from my own. Something always comes into my heart that isn’t from the Lord. Every minute I’m battling a new sinful desire. So many times this ‘something’ is much more desirable to me than what I think God can offer. But it’s short. It is so short. And leaves me so much more empty than before the indulgence. I’ve had so many moments this past week where I promptly acted having knowing exactly what God told me to do. I was so proud of myself at these moments, hoping they would turn into lifelong behaviors and attitudes. But this weekend I deliberately did what I told Him I didn’t want to do. *sounds like Romans 7…* I made a commitment to the Lord that I’ve upheld on other days. But I went to sleep last night saying, “no, I don’t want to do it tomorrow….” And I woke up this morning still fighting that commitment. I didn’t want to do it. ..and I’m stubborn. …and stupid. So I didn’t do it. And now I’ve spent the entire day thinking about everything I haven’t done. Ever. In my entire life. Yeah, Satan stepped in, took advantage of my brokenness. He took the opportunity to turn my bad decision and deserved disappointment into a day filled with self pity and an overall disgruntled attitude. I’m still fighting what he’s throwing at my heart right now. But I’m trying to think about what God has given me, the many blessings I can count in my bed room right at this moment. I can see ten things, within arms reach, that have been true blessings from the Lord. I am choosing Christ. I am focusing on how to make my “right now” and my tomorrow: better. What decisions and choices will I face tomorrow where I can say “Okay Lord, I will follow through with what I promised You.” I don’t want to mess up again. I don’t want my determinedness to become stubbornness. My word will be true. If I say “okay, I’ll do this” then I am going to do it. Because today sucked. And I don’t need it to repeat itself due to my bad decision.